mental indigestion

Emma at Age 3 November 27, 2007

Filed under: Life in general — mel @ 9:47 pm

She likes Elmo, chocolate candy and orange soap.

She likes to pull her Dora the Explorer underwear as high up her waist as possible.

She likes to recklessly drive her toy car around and almost collide into people for the thrills.

She sings in perfect pitch and rhythm. Her favourite song is Jesus Loves Me.

She is very specific in how she wants you to play with her, even to the point of bossing and scolding. “You must stand behind me and you must play chasing with me and you must look at the ball all the time.”

She calls me Auntie because I see so little of her that she does not know I am her Godma.

And when I left today during her bath, I got a call from her (post-bath) screeching over the phone, “You cannot just leave like that you know! You cannot just go home like that you know!” And so she saw me all the way to my doorstep with the promise that I will play with her for a longer period the next time.

UPDATE (after more screechy phone calls): She killed a cockroach. She likes shopping. She feels she has too many toys. She is practicing her Flower Girl thang and told me “I am SO cute, you know“.


Wise nuggets November 25, 2007

Filed under: Inspiration — mel @ 10:19 pm

While researching on a writer whom I have never read any works of (because I will be curiously attending a talk by him) , I was grateful to read some timely quotes which I need to absorb at this point of my life:

You no longer live in other people’s shadows nor treat other people’s shadows as imaginary enemies. You just walked out of their shadows, stopped making up absurdities and fantasies, and are now in a vast emptiness and tranquillity.

It is only in the gesture of tranquilly prolonging this life and striving to comprehend the mystery of this moment in time that freedom of existence is achieved, for in solitarily scrutinizing the self the perceptions of the self by others loses all relevance.

–  One Man’s Bible (because this is exactly the reminder I need every time I feel overwhelmed)

A writer is an ordinary person, perhaps he is more sensitive but people who are highly sensitive are often more frail. A writer does not speak as the spokesperson of the people or as the embodiment of righteousness. His voice is inevitably weak but it is precisely this voice of the individual that is more authentic.

What I want to say here is that literature can only be the voice of the individual and this has always been so. Once literature is contrived as the hymn of the nation, the flag of the race, the mouthpiece of a political party or the voice of a class or a group, it can be employed as a mighty and all-engulfing tool of propaganda. However, such literature loses what is inherent in literature, ceases to be literature, and becomes a substitute for power and profit.

Nobel Lecture in 2000 (a comfort to know that not everyone sells out)


Wants and want nots November 23, 2007

Filed under: Life in general — mel @ 8:32 pm

The Wish List: 

– A smallish digital cam. My Nikon one died, D’s Ricoh one cracked (it wasn’t me) and now I suddenly miss cam-whoring. I guess there will be no more Project 365 too.

– A crowd-free shopping day to pick up all I  am supposed to get.

Banished from my life: 

Media Development Authority’s Corporate Rap. While highly entertaining and provided many a giggle, it is quite disturbing to think think these are the people trying to raise Singapore into a “world-class” (shudder) media hub. “Yes yes y’all, we don’t stop, get creative can do (shudder) rock on!” 

– Tuna carpaccio and blue cheese. The former made me run to the toilet at least 20 times the last two days and the latter was all I could think about while bordering on puking my guts out.


To be or not to be November 18, 2007

Filed under: Life in general — mel @ 11:38 am



Full article can be read here.

While marriage preparation at church has been mostly insightful, the recent sessions on a wife’s submission and her role as helper had content very similar to the article above. I was disturbed but seemed to be the only one in my group who was. (One girl said rather nonchalantly, “If I don’t want to submit, I just manipulate to persuade him lor!”)

My group leader said, “Aiyah, domineering women like us will have issues like these. ” But seriously, I don’t think I am domineering. I am more than happy to let someone take the lead whether at home or at work, just as long as that leadership is one that is based on respect and understanding. However, what I often see is people using this mandate to suppress, put others down, become spineless, or as an excuse for pure selfishness.

Like I said, I am very, very disturbed. Interestingly enough, I’ll be teaching gender equality this coming week -perhaps this will give me some time to work things out. I hope that God will also provide me wisdom and open-mindedness in an area that has been seriously entrenched by generations of skewed chauvinism.

I don’t want to be a ballbuster wife, but neither do I want to be a Stepford wife.


A lovely loud friend November 11, 2007

Filed under: Life in general — mel @ 10:17 am

2nd Nov 2007

All my life, I’ve gravitated towards loud people. Loud people make things lively for me, and I give the wholehearted attention that loud people need. It’s usually a symbiotic relationship, except for the times when loud friends don’t quite understand my quiet ways, and misunderstandings occur.

As such loud people with a good understanding of human psychology are the ones who end up being the friends who have been able to endure me for a substantial number of years. Vanessa the proclaimed psychic who brings out the social butterfly backpacker in me, Adeline the social commentary blaster, Chris who has the embarrassing bluntness which keeps me down to earth. And now, there’s Eva, whose screaming social worker ways have made work a whole lot more entertaining (and insightful). Alas, sometimes the best things in life don’t last forever, and now she’s gone to the land of milk and honey to be loud with the boisterous Aussies.

Even if you can’t paint nails for nuts babe, I hope this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.


Blur Block Building November 3, 2007

Filed under: Whee! — mel @ 11:18 am

On a brighter note, things have finally kicked off and our Northern home is resembling a sandpit. Witness D’s meticulous planning and chronicling of the renovation process, the only possible reason why he would ever blog. I will drop notes here and there too occasionally.

Journey to the North


Probably PMS again November 2, 2007

Filed under: Mopey mops — mel @ 11:22 pm

I crave for quiet moments, especially at this period when I am getting increasingly puzzled by the unsaid nuances of human nature. It is disheartening, it makes me feel so foolish and then I kind of forget who I am sometimes.

This is yet another phase of growing up – one of facing up to my imperfections, facing up to other people’s imperfections, and facing the consequences of all that. I really can’t keep up with all these social/power/whatever transactions. I really want to remember what I used to love about life and people.