mental indigestion

It’s all there November 29, 2008

Filed under: Life in general — mel @ 9:43 am
Finally - beyond the concrete.

Finally - beyond the concrete.

There’s really no excuse not to exercise less than three times a week when:

– there’s a free gym, and even a free staff gym at my door step if I am scared of the smelly student gym (30 steps)

– a mostly empty Olympic- size swimming pool that is sparkling clear at the door step of my office (30 steps).

– a huge-ass nature trail with mangrove swamp, boardwalk and monkeys at the doorstep of my office building (40 steps).

– a staff shower area with heater if I am scared of smelly student showers.

– a huge ass nature park near my place facing the the sea (3 min drive).

– a peaceful, 2km trail near my house leading to huge ass park. Some may call it a walk by the longkang but if you are imaginative it can be a Stroll along the Riveria (overall, a 30 min walk).

– cycling tracks left, right, centre somebody please get me a bike already (can it be light blue please?)

– unlimited lessons of pilates, yoga, social dancing, body combat and weekly tennis sessions offered at my workplace (FREE OF CHARGE LEH).

– a colourful, cheerful huge ass fitness corner at my place which cost a couple of million dollars to build (I know that because a cab driver told me and said I was so lucky to be living near there). During the few times I take a lazy lumber there post dinner, some folks looking suspiciously over 50 (but with a wii fitness level of 20) were vigorously swinging themselves on the cross trainers, doing multiple, proper chin ups and even handstands by the bars (ala Russian gymnasts) which made me feel so absolutely out of shape.

– totally weird places to explore such as the Singapore-Malaysia border with chain-smoking men fishing at trans border waters, prisons with friendly security guards who ask you if you are having a nice day, an actual ashram where you can spot peaceful-looking people watering plants and American naval base houses with snowman statues wearing sun shades under a palm tree adorned with Christmas baubles.



Box of Rain November 20, 2008

Filed under: Inspiration — mel @ 8:51 pm

A classic Grateful Dead song that comforts when my “tongue is twisted with words half spoken and thoughts unclear”.

Have a listen (preferably without looking at all the psychedelic stuff).

Look out of any window
any morning, any evening, any day
Maybe the sun is shining
birds are winging or
rain is falling from a heavy sky –
What do you want me to do,
to do for you to see you through?
this is all a dream we dreamed
one afternoon long ago
Walk out of any doorway
feel your way, feel your way
like the day before
Maybe you’ll find direction
around some corner
where it’s been waiting to meet you –
What do you want me to do,
to watch for you while you’re sleeping?
Well please don’t be surprised
when you find me dreaming too

Look into any eyes
you find by you, you can see
clear through to another day
I know it’s been seen before
through other eyes on other days
while going home —
What do you want me to do,
to do for you to see you through?
It’s all a dream we dreamed
one afternoon long ago

Walk into splintered sunlight
Inch your way through dead dreams
to another land
Maybe you’re tired and broken
Your tongue is twisted
with words half spoken
and thoughts unclear
What do you want me to do
to do for you to see you through
A box of rain will ease the pain
and love will see you through

Just a box of rain –
wind and water –
Believe it if you need it,
if you don’t just pass it on
Sun and shower –
Wind and rain –
in and out the window
like a moth before a flame

It’s just a box of rain
I don’t know who put it there
Believe it if you need it
or leave it if you dare
But it’s just a box of rain
or a ribbon for your hair
Such a long long time to be gone
and a short time to be there


A wise farmer November 19, 2008

Filed under: Life in general — mel @ 4:02 pm

“The more people do, the more society develops, the more problems arise. The increasing desolation of the nature, the exhaustion of resources, the uneasiness and disintegration of the human spirit, all have been brought about by humanity’s trying to accomplish something. Originally there was no reason to progress, and nothing that had to be done. We have come to the point at which there is no other way than to bring about a “movement” not to bring anything about.”

– Masanobu Fukuoka


An INFP Profile by real INFPs November 10, 2008

Filed under: Kay poh recommendations — mel @ 9:02 pm
Tags: ,

I always find personality tests fun to do. Anyway, I have been “diagnosed” as INFP since primary school but I never quite liked what I read about this particular profile, it seemed too darned hapless. Anyway, I stumbled across this profile written by an INFP mailing list community who, characteristically, hated the way the established non-INFP psychologists had characterized them. I must say this definitely resonated with me more. So fellow INFPers, read this profile and say “Ah!” all the time. I have bolded the bits which I felt may be true for me.

For INFPs, life is a journey to understand themselves and the world. Where some others may strive for achievements such as degrees and promotions, an INFP tends to consider these as important mainly for their value in making it easier to fulfill the INFP’s life goals.

INFPs value authenticity, acceptance, and the search for meaning in life in both the ordinary events of life and the grand scheme of the universe. One source of sustenance for INFPs are those small, genuine gestures from the heart, be they from loved ones or strangers.

INFPs have many interests and talents. They are generally good at perceiving possibilities for improving the world and understanding others. They are often clear at expressing ideas through language, writing, poetry, and other talents. When an INFP supports a particular project or goal, they can get an extraordinary amount of work done in a short time. On the other hand, INFPs tend to procrastinate and are dissatisfied by detailed work not related to one of their important values. This is one reason INFPs are happier when working at jobs which are related to their values.

Ideas and feelings (and particularly ideas about feelings) form the center of an INFPs existence. As INFPs explore the world, they discover new relationships, concepts, and connections about the universe. This exploration guides INFPs to find values important to themselves.

Many INFPs do not like attempts to impose shoulds and have-tos. These INFPs find absolute systems of rules that everyone must abide to as confining and arbitrary and simply unfair. As such, INFPs may rail against words that imply that a value system can be imposed from the outside.

Sometimes INFPs deny having ideals or principles since it’s possible to equate a reliance on principles with dogmatism and inflexibility. Instead, they prefer to talk about feelings: not momentary emotional states but the personal values on which the feeling function operates.

INFPs often place a high value on harmony, and avoid conflict unless confrontation becomes necessary. Minor, detail oriented, administrative problems are ignored until they stop the progress of any current projects. When his or her projects are threatened, an INFP will either fight for the project/ideal if it’s important enough, or concentrate on another one of his or her interests to avoid a confrontation.

INFPs do not measure life in terms of the number of friends and acquaintances they have but rather by the quality of their friendships. For INFPs, the distinction between friends and acquaintances is very important; an acquaintance is someone they spend time with while a friend is someone with whom an INFP can share ideas and feelings. Their most valuable friends are people who understand their important values and accept them unconditionally.

An INFP’s feelings form the foundations of the individual. They are sacred and binding, in the sense that their emergence requires no further justification. An INFP’s feelings are often guarded, kept safe from attack and ridicule. Only a few, close confidants are permitted entrance into this domain.

INFP’s look at humanity at both the individual (human-to-human) and societal levels. One common discouragement for INFP’s is that societal change often seems impossible. When INFPs become discouraged, they may need some time and space to rediscover their values and a sense of inner peace. The conflict between their ideal world and “reality”, as they see it can cause depression or withdrawal from the world unless they have people that support them in their projects.


Back to Pandora’s Box

Filed under: Life in general — mel @ 1:09 pm

It is weird, I have been blogging posts which I quickly privatize a few minutes later.

I just deprivatized my last driving phobia post though, because oh well, I’ve already shamed myself publicly enough in this area already, so why not.

However, given that I am feeling the need to record, and yet to keep these records personal, I’ll be switching back to the paper journal for a while.

However, I will still use this space for Kay Poh Recommendations for the few people who might find themselves here. Because I love to get the word around.

Hey, the husband has begun his own blog with pretty peekchers. Check it out.


Somehow: A Driving Miracle November 8, 2008

Filed under: Whee! — mel @ 9:27 am
Parking Retard

Pre-miracle: Parking Retard

A little miracle happened in the past two weeks.

Remember the issues I have with driving? Well, one really random day, I just felt I wanted to drive by myself. Which is totally unexpected, because years of guilt-tripping/yelling to become a proper “chauffeur” had just landed on deaf ears. I was comfortable driving with accompanied guidance. But somehow, when D. had to leave for an overseas shoot I thought, “Now wouldn’t it be nice if I could drop him off whenever he had to go to the airport?” And also, the travel bug leftover from S.Africa made me remember how happy I was driving around Wilsons Prom/New Zealand, what a sense of exploration it gave me.  So while he was away, I told him I was going to use the car. “Better not, better not!” he said worriedly (re: previous scratch from not being able to park straight). But I just felt I had to.

So despite a few little minor boo boos here and there e.g. walking off without applying the handbrake, pressing the brake instead of the accelerator and wondering why I wasn’t moving etc. I got to Point As – Point Bs somehow.

The most miraculous thing of all, which even D. can’t fathom, is that I can park properly now. (“How did you ever get from parking retard to parking straight straight?”) Heck I even parallel parked once in a crowded residential area. And I  can’t figure out how I do it.  I only know if that there’s no one around, I can park swiftly, accurately even. I never use any techniques like urm looking whether I’m within the line, it’s just pure gut feel. However, if there are some impatient buggers behind me, I tend to get a little…wavy. I get the feeling that I also may not be able to park as well with judgemental D. or screamy mummy next to me too.

So now, I can drive/park in non-peak hours/areas alone everyday.  Which is progress, though it feels like I have an imaginary friend, or secret super power which only appears when there’s no one around so no one quite believes me.