In Extremis January 29, 2009

I saw my toes the other day.
I hadn’t looked at them for months.
Indeed they might have passed away.
And yet they were my best friends once.
When I was small, I knew them well.
I counted on them up to ten
And put them in my mouth to tell
The larger from the lesser. Then
I loved them better than my ears,
My elbows, adenoids, and heart.
But with the swelling of the years
We drifted, toes and I, apart.
Now, gnarled and pale, each said, j’accuse!-
I hid them quickly in my shoes.

– John Updike (1932 – 2009)

 

A far-reaching memory: Eight years ago in Missouri, before I even knew that I liked words, I went for my very first literary reading  which was given by John Updike. It was winter, and it was cold and I was wondering why we had to walk so far to that hall where this ah pek was reading randy poems about elderly sex. But he had a crinkly laugh and ruddy cheeks and he scrawled “Keep Smiling” in my diary as that was the only kind of paper I had. “Is he a good writer?” I asked Cody. “He’s awesome.” And later I read his Rabbit books (which I realise only males seem to really really dig)  but I actually prefer his poetry collection, which is saying something since I’m not a poem sort of person in the first place.

RIP Mr Updike.

Riding M.Butterfly January 27, 2009

I am enjoying this cycling thing much more than I thought I would. Something about the wind in your face that clears the mind, that blows all the toxic thoughts away.

And since, I have a habit of christening inanimate objects – world, meet Madame Butterfly, M.Butt for short.

Another plane January 21, 2009

Having met someone who is living in an even more alien planet than I am makes me realise why people who don’t get me sometimes become so frustrated and sometimes even affronted.

Just like I will never ever get this particular person and it’s making me rip my hair apart.

And we humans do strange things when there is that communication vacuum. We may think the best of the person or worst of that person but we never ever ever get that person right.

From here, this could go various ways. We can go along with our deluded impression of that person to maintain stability of our views of the world and the types of people living in it, or we could chase after these question marks.

While people find it so incredibly touching that Jesus had rowdy dinners with taxpayers and prostitutes (which to me, sounds more like a social-label-defying-sport but with wine included), what I find more amazing is that He tolerated these annoying, attention-seeking disciples with a full range of opposing personalities, insecurities and political ambitions. Imagine having to travel with these wussies and their fussy food requests, having them flake on you constantly, having them constantly put their self-interests before yours. And yet He spent the time and effort to know them and love them. He became familiar with their souls, imperfect as they may be.

As a blemished and rather weary soul myself, it’s hard to muster up the energy and effort to try to understand other soul(s) with Totally Different Ideas and Totally Far-Out Ways. A realization that there’s another “practice what you preach” pointer blinking in front of my eyes – after all these years of spewing rhetoric on how society needs to accept more variety besides just the mainstream, I in turn need to find the patience and openness to accept it when others don’t choose to do things the “usual” way.

The first two weeks of 2009… January 13, 2009

… have been rather exhausting.

Firstly,  D. and I have quite randomly launched into an intensive exercise programme in late December. As such, my weekly exercise regime consists of 2 swimming sessions, 4 “trotting”  (I don’t think I jog quite yet) sessions and 2 cycling sessions, which is a loadful considering I didn’t do much for most of last year. For the latter – due to other friends’ random, sudden resolutions to cycle (and hence bicycle shopping), I have suddenly found myself with another new toy –  a bicycle with butterflies but do not scoff, for some people have told me it looks quite “fierce”.

Secondly, everything else is just so so so busy and so so so speedy I am trying trying trying to catch up. The exercise bit is actually kind of good, because it gives me some air time to clear my mind, and the endorphins make me feel so much less grumpier about the craziness of this Singaporean life.

There are plans to go for a little solo trip somewhere next month. I think I am quite due for complete solitude.

New Year Wishes January 4, 2009

May 2009 be...

…a year of growth and swishy magical moments.