mental indigestion

W is for What a Wonderful World April 27, 2016

Filed under: A-Z Challenge — mel @ 3:46 am
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I see trees of green,
red roses too.
I see them bloom,
for me and you.
And I think to myself,
what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue,
And clouds of white.
The bright blessed day,
The dark sacred night.
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow,
So pretty in the sky.
Are also on the faces,
Of people going by,
I see friends shaking hands.
Saying, “How do you do?”
They’re really saying,
“I love you”.

I hear babies cry,
I watch them grow,
They’ll learn much more,
Than I’ll ever know.
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world.

Yes, I think to myself,
What a wonderful world.

Everyone tells me to climb a mountain to get over my depression.

Oh, you will feel so small being surrounded by all these giant rocks and that will miraculously snap you back to being sane again.

Oh, the sunset will be so beautiful you will weep with gratitude and everything about life will be miraculous, even a leech sucking  blood out from your ankle.

Well, I’ve been facing rocks and sunsets the past few days and I would like to report that everyone was fucking wrong.

I have greasy hair, blisters, mosquito bites, three broken toenails, and an overwhelming urge to scream at one more narcissistic ass trying to take a selfie perched on some rock to show how healthy and self-fulfilled they are.

It is all bullshit. Give me a book to read in bed any day.

This nature thing is just is. The trees are green, the skies are blue, and the earth will always look and smell shitty because there is always rotting, and dying. All these things are there not because they are meant to restore your soul, they have been there since the beginning of time.

I don’t care about what the birds are doing or what their names are, stop pointing them out to me.

Neither do I care about what shape the moon is so stop harping on that.

What? You calling me a toxic blackhole? Well, at least I don’t use a whole toilet roll every morning for a number two you tree killer. I bet that tree over there is really pissed with you right now.

God, I would give anything to have an air conditioner and a Big Gulp of icy Coke right now.

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D is for Dream a Little Dream of Me April 4, 2016

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper “I love you”
Birds singing in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me

Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you’ll miss me
While I’m alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I’m longing to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I’m longing to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams, till sunbeams find you
Gotta keep dreaming leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
You gotta make me a promise, promise to me
You’ll dream, dream a little of me

The alarm clock rang. He refused to open his eyes. He felt more awake in his dreams. Reality always seemed so much duller and slower.

He loved dreaming about her. Yes, his dream girl. Her name was Ella, and she was always waiting for him under the old raintree facing his flat.

You’re late today, she chided him last night.

I’m sorry. Work has been busy, dear.

(He never called anyone ‘dear’ in real life. Not even the two long-term girlfriends he had back in his 20s.)

Ella was especially pouty in the latest dream. But he kind of dug that, because at least she pouted in silence and was not one of those who wanted to discuss “where we stand in our relationship”.

He had a flashback of all the explosive quarrels he had with his ex-girlfriends and shuddered. He did not ever want to go back there again.

Instead he hit the snooze button and fell back asleep to see Ella once more. This time, she was standing by the raintree with tears streaming down her face. (Not hysterical shrieky crying, that hurt his ears.)

What’s wrong, dear? 

It started to rain and Ella’s wet hair framed her beautiful porcelain face. She looked at him longingly with her soulful almond eyes.

I’m worried about you. You’re working too hard. Your health is suffering. And I … I feel so sad that I’m not able to take care of you.

Before he could take Ella in his arms to comfort her, the alarm rang again.

This time, he opened his eyes and winced at the sharp pang of loneliness as he found himself sleeping alone on a queen-sized bed.

Ella. It comforted him to say her name aloud. It made her feel more real.

His mobile phone rang. It was his best friend.

“Eh bro, my wifey wants to know if you are free this Friday for dinner? She’s got this hot single girlfriend she wants to introduce you to. And not stupid also, got Harvard MBA or something like that. ”

He sighed. He knew they meant well, but it was getting annoying.

“Sorry, not free.”

“How about next Friday?”

“No, hey thanks but no thanks lah bro, but I’m really not into blind dates.”

There was a long silence over the other line.

“Eh bro, you ok or not?”

“I’m fine, just busy with work.” He tried to sound as reassuring as possible.

“Eh, last time, you’d have at least 2-3 girlfriends at the same time. Now, getting you to go on a date is like pulling teeth like that.”

He sighed. “I’m just … tired.” This was technically true because he would much rather be asleep at the moment.

There was another long pause.

“Eh bro, is it … you’re gay or something? You know you’re still my bro even if you want to come out of the closet, right?”

“I’m straight lah, asshole.” He tried to laugh it off  but it came out more as a coughing fit. “Anyway, I’m kind of seeing someone now.”

“Awesome lah, bro, why you never tell me earlier? But that’s the way to go, we humans need companionship, yah? Even if it’s a naggy wife ha ha.”

After a few more congratulatory whoops and some abstract plans for a possible double date in the distant future, he put down the phone and felt like his heart was pounding in his ears. He’d better take his medication now, if not for himself, at least for Ella.