mental indigestion

P is for Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps April 19, 2016

Filed under: A-Z Challenge — mel @ 9:00 am
Tags: , , ,

You won’t admit you love me
And so how am I ever to know?
You always tell me
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

A million times I’ve asked you,
And then I ask you over again
You only answer
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

If you can’t make your mind up
We’ll never get started
And I don’t wanna wind up
Being parted, broken-hearted

So if you really love me
Say yes, but if you don’t dear, confess
And please don’t tell me
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

If you can’t make your mind up
We’ll never get started
And I don’t wanna wind up
Being parted, broken-hearted

So if you really love me
Say yes, but if you don’t dear, confess
And please don’t tell me
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

Dear Jenny,

I know you are expecting a clearcut answer from me. After all, we have been together for five years.

However, you do know that I am unable to  lie, and I cannot say I love you, mostly because I don’t really know what love feels like. It is impossible for me to categorically state things that are not wired socionormatively  in my brain.

Look, I have not even told my mother that I love her, and she has done so much more than you have ever done for me. (To be fair, she has had a twenty-year head start.) Even up till today, she tells me she loves me after we talk on Skype each night and does not expect me to reciprocate the ridiculous air-kissing. Perhaps you may wish to converse with her on how she has executed unconditional love with such pep all these years.

But aside from this misgiving that seems to have resurfaced these past few day (i.e. not going “official” – whatever does that mean? are documents required?), I do think our relationship has been quite efficient, pleasant and intellectually-stimulating. People tell me that I smile a lot more these days, and based on empirical records, it does appear to be true.

While I view most things in this world as absolutes, I am afraid I can only offer you a subjective reply to your recent question i.e. “Do I love you?”. My answer, as I’ve mentioned to you before, is perhaps.

Perhaps I should state how I will honour our relationship for as long as you don’t find me insufferable. Firstly, I will not cheat on you as that is an utter waste of energy. Secondly, I will make it a point to bring you to at least one dinner each week where I will stay silent as you talk about all that is happening in your life. Thirdly, I will say sorry even when I know I am right.

 

I sensed a disturbance seeing you cry last night. In offering this magnanimous olive branch, I do hope that you will at least e-mail me so I will know how to proceed from here.

I am sorry.

Yours sincerely,

John

 

 

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4 Responses to “P is for Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps”

  1. UpwardSpiral Says:

    #Boys right? 😉

  2. I love her voice and that video, but what and an awful answer to the question of do you love me. Perhaps just wouldn’t be good enough for me. Even if ole John hadn’t even been able to tell his own mother. That should tell you enough about his character. Run!

    Melissa Sugar @
    Melissa Sugar Writes

  3. mel Says:

    @upwardspiral: hee 😛

  4. mel Says:

    @melissa: Actually, I’d written John as someone with Asperger’s (for a while, I had to work with someone like that) and his speech pattern fascinated me and I thought I’d capture some of it with this entry. Guess I was not clear enough about that ;P


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