mental indigestion

Is there such a thing as friends 4 eva? July 3, 2007

Filed under: Mopey mops — mel @ 10:31 pm

Up till today, I still don’t really know what it means to be a true friend.

I do know I want to be better one. But there are limitations, baggage, personality differences and selfishness.

The other day, a former colleague N called me out of the blue – I didn’t know her well but we always giggled a lot together during those pseudo-teambonding stuff. Laughing buddies we were, so I was surprised to hear how down she was. Turns out she actually had a minor stroke a few months ago and her health has been topsy-turvy ever since. I really felt like crying as she told me her struggles…but after a few more encouraging smses and promises to visit her at the store once she’s up and about, that’s it. That’s all I could offer.

I met a group of friends whom I felt did wrong but I know they feel they did no wrong. And so I made the rational and diplomatic decision to forgive and try to forget. It is hard. Sure, chit-chatting and reminiscing on nostalgic memories are fine. But the trust has vanished. I don’t think that would ever come back.
All of a sudden, G’s dad passed away. This is a guy who has been for me through all the down in the dumps periods of my life. Last night, he looked so helpless and forlorn…and I could do nothing (again).

I was just having a conversation with D the other day…about how some people may mistake me as “dao” when I’m being blur. But as I thought about it a bit more…I realise that yes, there are times I choose to be unfriendly and closed up, whether it is because I’m protective, shy, judgemental or just plain temperamental.

I also realise that in order for me to truly open up to people, I need to take the time to open up to myself. and having a certain level of self-awareness, which tends to disappear whenever I’m too busy or stressed. If not, it is just a farce, the “acting nice and safe” routine just to go under the radar.

But there are moments, like now, when I really long to hold the hands of the people I know that are hurting.


3 Responses to “Is there such a thing as friends 4 eva?”

  1. Joan Says:

    I think you’re a great friend.

  2. LG Says:

    “dao”? No way!
    Blur? – heh heh

    Being present when friends go thru hard times is one of the best thing you can do. Being present is the present the hurting friend with the present of presence.

  3. LG Says: should be “Being present presents the hurting friend with the present of presence.” should not be at comp at 1.30am!

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